In my almost 11 weeks of being a mom, I have learned a few
things. I may not be the best, but I had a great teacher, so I’m hoping that
some of that amazingness rubs off on Olivia.
The night that we got the call from the doctor was one of
the scariest moments. I remember seeing the hospital number on my phone’s
screen and thinking that it was odd that I would get a phone call from them at
9:15pm on Sunday night. When Dr. Weirda said that I needed to come down to the
hospital, I sat on the stairs and cried. I knew that something was wrong, but I
initially thought that I would be on bed rest and monitored and then sent home
a few days later. I knew that was not the case when I was admitted and had
three nurses working on me. The next 12 hours passed by in a blur and while I
remember some things, I wish they could be happier memories. I remember crying
and asking for a c-section because I was in so much pain, I remember being
scared and confused when one set of nurses was telling me to push and another
set of nurses was trying to draw blood and start a transfusion (I didn’t know
what to do with my hand/arm, since one group was telling me to grab my leg and
the other set was telling me to hold it out). I thought I would be the person
to send continuous updates during labor to friends and families to let them
know my progress. But, when you are told that your daughter is coming almost 6
weeks early, your mind is elsewhere. When I finally pushed her out, I was in
shock that she was actually here. Just 48 hours before, I was having my
maternity photo shoot. Now, I was watching as the doctors and nurses rushed in
to take care of her. I briefly remember the nurse holding her in front of me
and having our first family picture taken. And then Phil had to make the
difficult decision of staying with me or going with Olivia to the NICU. I told
him to take care of her and I would be there soon. Then came the news that due
to the medications, I would continue to be on bed rest for at least 24 hours.
My first time being a mom, and I got to see my daughter for 2 minutes in her
first 24 hours of life. Thank goodness for technology and a supportive family
that helped me do facetime with our ipads.
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| Olivia on day 1 |
Through all of that confusion, pain, and emotions, I was
surrounded by so much love. My mom started driving when she got the call that I
was being induced. She drove 12 hours through the night and through a blizzard
for the first few hours. My mom and aunt arrived a little after Olivia was
born. Phil’s parents had been there the whole morning. Friends and family had
been praying through the night. A scary situation thankfully had a joyous
result.
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| Mommy's first trip to the NICU |
When I was finally allowed to visit her, I cried. I kept
saying how sorry I was that I made her come early. I know there was nothing I
could have done differently to change things. But, the guilt was still there. She
was so tiny and so precious. When I was discharged on Thursday, I cried again. In
the elevator, I looked around at the cards, flowers, well wishes and bags, but
all I could see was that we didn’t have a baby with us. The one moment that I
had dreamed about for months was not happening.
We spent the night at home and returned to Sioux Falls the next morning
to see Olivia. Throughout that day, I wasn’t feeling well, but I attributed it
to the stress of the previous days. When things didn’t improve, I called my
doctor and after taking my blood pressure and answering a few questions, I was
told to go back to Labor and Delivery and be re-admitted. Once again, I was put back on meds and
received the news that for yet another 24 hours, I would be away from my
darling little girl. I was in denial that I was so sick. I continued to think
about Olivia and my swim kids (they were in Aberdeen for the state swim meet)
and distract myself from the reality of the situation. But when the doctor
tells you that you would not be alive if you didn’t receive the care that you
received, you listen. You stop thinking and just focus on what really matters. I
had to rest and take care of myself in order to be a good mom.
We may have had a rocky start, but these 11 weeks have been
full of love. So much love. My favorite part of being a mommy is rocking her to
sleep and seeing that adorable smile peek through her blanket. I love having ‘mommy-daughter’
time during her feedings. I love picking out adorable clothes for her to wear
every day. While I am very much looking forward to the night that she sleeps
more than 3 hours at a time, I am thankful for such a wonderful baby. She may
have been early, but she is making large footprints on our hearts. This past
week, she pushed herself from her tummy to her back. Her smile lights up the room and her little
movements melt my heart.
I have learned so much. I have learned that I can love
someone so much without really knowing them. I have learned that I will fight
for my child, even if I’ve only been a mom for a few weeks. I have learned that
the love of a mother (and father) can get you through anything. I have learned that I can accomplish my to-do
list with only a few hours of sleep. What
I thought was multitasking before baby is nothing compared to the multitasking
I do now. My level of personal hygiene these days is sometimes debatable. I know that I will celebrate
the little things. I know that I will continue to smile with every movement,
sound and action from my little girl.
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| Olivia week 9 |
There are also things that I can appreciate even more. I can
truly understand how much my mom did for me. From being there at almost every
swim meet to driving me to multiple activities. I remember the notes that she
left in my lunch box or on my sandwich bag. The care packages in college to
the teddy bears at every special occasion. The love of a mother is truly an
amazing thing. Thank you mom for being such a great example. Thank you for
putting up with my emotional teenage years. Thank you for playing multiple
roles in my life, from ‘nurse Jean’ to ‘mom Jean’ to ‘friend Jean’ and knowing
which role I need at which point in my life. Thank you for laughing with me,
crying with me and encouraging me when I needed it.
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| Baby, Mom and Grandma |
Being a mom is a tough job. You have to put on multiple
hats, be multiple people and be in multiple places. But the responsibility that
I now have is something I would never give up. Olivia is the light of my life
and we are so blessed that God sent her to us. I am full of many emotions for
my first mother’s day and I look forward to many more! Happy Mother’s Day to
everyone out there!