Cha-cha-cha-changes

Fun at the Children's Museum

How is it almost fall?!? Seriously, I felt like we were just rejoicing about the weather being nice, and now it's already started its slow descent. Guess that's life in the midwest. 

10 months

10 months old (too busy to hold still!)

8 months

We are experiencing the eve before preschool! Olivia starts her 3's preschool tomorrow! She will attend a Tuesday/Thursday program from 9:15-2:15. She is super excited about the different toys and play areas and keeps talking about being able to use the small potty and bringing her backpack and lunch box :) She is our little chatterbox and happily tells Phil and I the details of her day (even if we were with her during those activities). Her vocabulary continues to grow every day and her comments about how or why we are doing things make me stop sometimes and just laugh. She continues to impress us with her random memory of things (recently, it was bringing up the circus she went to with her aunt and uncle about 2 years ago, her trip to Urgent Care last year, the garden at the old house in Aurora and visiting Ethan at the hospital after he was born). I'm really hoping she continues to have a rock star memory and does not venture down the path of her mommy's memory. Now what was I talking about...? Her facial expressions are amazing and you feel her joy when she gets excited. We have entered the phase of picky toddler eating ('I just don't like that... what is is?'), so some meals are much better than others. She loves being with her friends (or anyone who will play with her), getting special treats (she wishes she could have them every day), giving and getting hugs, playing dress up, playing in the forts that daddy builds for her, being the leader, going to 'the mall the merica' (Mall of America) to play at the Children's Museum or the Crayola Experience (thank you memberships!) and helping mommy bake.

4th of July festivities

Woodbury Days (Olivia LOVED the parade, Ethan loved the snacks)

Ethan is almost a year old- yikes! He is such a little bundle of energy (I guess he needs to keep up with his sister!) and he is growing up so quickly. At 10 months old, he has 8 teeth, has started eating real people food, is close to walking (can walk if he's holding on to his walker or one of our hands), takes one(ish) naps a day, sleeps about 4 hour spurts at night, and can say mama and dada. He loves drinking milk and eating, playing in his ball pit, using his walker toy, crawling super fast to try and 'help' when Phil or I are loading the dishwasher, pulling up on anything, putting everything in his mouth, bath time, swimming lessons, and trying to get the toilet paper unrolled. He does not like sleeping through the night, not being fed at that exact moment, diaper changes, getting dressed, when his sister takes a toy, and not being able to hold/eat electronics (our remote controls, phones and ipad). He and I will enter new territory tomorrow when it's just the two of us for a few hours each week. But, I'm looking forward to being able to focus on him, and letting him play with things, without the constant 'let's share, play nice, what can you trade with him, he was playing with that...' He and I will actually attend an ECFE program on Wednesday mornings, so I'm excited to have another ECFE family! I had an amazing time with Olivia's class, and I'm crossing my fingers that the teacher is as amazing as Mrs. Laura and that the parents are as supportive and caring as the ones from Olivia's class. 
While summer has gone by too quickly, we did have a lot of great adventures. Highlights include moving into our new house, going to Cass Lake with the Tiedeman clan, having college friends visit us, a trip to Colorado for Tom and Brooke's wedding, lots of play time at different parks, going to different splash pads and pools, lots of zoo trips, picnic lunches, walks around the neighborhood, Woodbury Days, Renaissance Festival, a trip to Nelson's for ice cream, and just enjoying this wonderful land of 10,000 lakes!

Love for the lake

Dr. Olivia loves helping babies

A Whole New World...

Phil's favorite Disney movie is Aladdin, so there's a shout-out to him. But, I feel like we are living in a whole new world these days. So much has changed from just a year ago. Some things were joyous, others full of stress. But, we've come this far, so I'm excited to see what's in store for the next year (I'd be okay with a little less activity...)
So, long story long, here's a recap of the past 12 months:

Phil interviewed for a job in South Saint Paul. I stepped into the interim head coach position for BSC for the summer season. Phil gets a second round interview. The day before we leave for a week long vacation in Mexico, Phil gets a call that he got the job. Travel headache of delays to Mexico and home from Mexico. A week long discussion of if we should move. Oh yeah, I'm about 5 months pregnant at this point. Get back from vacation and Phil formally accepts the job. A few weeks of telling people we are moving and getting the house ready to put on the market. Sign a lease in Woodbury for a townhome (Phil doesn't actually see the place in person, so I'm left to make the final decision on where we will live for the next year or so). Pack up items in Brookings in August and actually get an offer on the house the day before we leave. I am now 32 weeks pregnant and switching OB doctor and clinic. Phil begins his new job as airport manager and I begin my new job as SAHM. Multiple doctor's appointments in the next few weeks. Olivia starts ECFE and we make a few friends. Ethan was born October 16 and many visitors came through during the month of October. Sleepless nights begin. Potty training begins. Phil turns 32. We finally close on our house in Brookings in November (after the first offer fell through, we had a second offer, which went through okay. So yes, we went through 4 months of paying for two house while living on a single income. NOT fun). First road trip as a family of 4 for Thanksgiving to Saint Cloud. I fly with Ethan (6 weeks old) and Olivia to CO for a few days in December. I turn 32. Phil's aunt passes away, so we make the drive to Iowa for her funeral. A few days later, we drive to Iowa for a 24 hour visit for Christmas. Sleepless nights continue, potty training continues, preschool enrollment begins. I start a job at the Foss Swim School. I also begin as a Tupperware consultant. Olivia turns 3 with a wonderfully pink party. We start house hunting. Phil and I begin the new routine of him working the typical 8-5 schedule and me working 5-9 for two nights a week and then a few hours on Saturday mornings and some more on Sunday afternoons. We keep missing our luck with houses, as the houses in the area are going within 48 hours. Olivia begins swimming lessons and soccer. Ethan gets two teeth. Another trip to George for Easter. A house in Woodbury goes on the market Friday morning, we see it at noon that day and put in an offer at 2pm that same day-- offer was accepted that night! I fly to CO with Ethan and Olivia to surprise Brooke, my future sister-in-law, at her bridal shower at the end of April. Ethan crawls. And now, we begin the process of packing up this town home and moving in to our new town home! Whew!!

So, needless to say, I am looking forward to life slowing down a bit. I know it won't (as we will have college friends here June 6-7, move June 10, Olivia is at VBS June 13-16, go on vacation with the Tiedeman clan June 18-22, and fly to CO June 29-July 5 for Tom's wedding). We love this life with these crazy moments though :)

Our adorable 3 year old!

Olivia is an adorable, sassy, giggly, cuddly three year old. She likes being independent and picking out her own clothes and shoes. She corrects us on little items like 'they're sandals, not shoes' and 'that's a truck, not a car.' As Phil says, 'she says what she thinks.' She does well with Ethan and I love hearing them laugh together. However, now that Ethan is on the move, she has become very territorial and 'mine' has been a common word around this house. While she has a very cheerful temperament most of the time, she has started to get pouty when we tell her 'no' or tell her that she is making a bad choice. 
 
Toddler pickiness with food is starting, but thankfully, we've still been able to get some good mixtures of foods. She has said a few hilarious phrases, and I wish I would keep a notebook of them (as I can't recall anything at the moment). She loves going to school, swim lessons, seeing her friends, going bowling, going to the zoo and the aquarium. Her favorite show is 'Octonauts' and she loves telling Phil and I the new facts she learned about the sea animals. And she loves having her drink at meal time by pouring it from her own mini pitcher into her mini cup (thank you Tupperware for adorable items for little ones)! We are thankful for this, because a few months ago, she was having problems with going pee and we assumed it was because she was not drinking enough. But now, she's excited to drink her milk and water and juice, because she gets to do it and gets excited to offer mommy and daddy some of her drink. She's about 28 pounds, wears 3T clothing and size 8(ish) shoes.

Our smiling 7 month old

Ethan is an energetic, loud, cuddly, on-the-move little boy. He learned to crawl about 2 weeks ago and has been going ever since. He got his two bottom teeth in March and I think he's going to pop his top teeth pretty soon. He loves to put everything in his mouth and enjoys gnawing on anything. He can sit on his own and play with a variety of toys from his toy box and he's getting pretty close to being able to pull himself up on things. Phil and I think it's adorable when he makes this certain face by breathing through his nose quickly and loudly and curling his upper lip at the same time. He started eating solid foods and his favorites so far seem to be avocado, squash and apples (or any fruit). He's sleeping about 3 hour spurts and there's been a handful of 4 hour stretches in the past few months. On a typical day, he will sleep about 20-30 minutes in the late morning and then 60-90 minutes in the afternoon. But most days, he only does that one long nap. So, sleep is not his favorite. Also on the not favorite list: car seat, being put down when he just wants to be held, getting his nails clipped, and just recently, the separation anxiety. I am excited to get him into his own room at the new place (he's currently sleeping in a hallway). He weighs about 19 pounds, is wearing 6 month/6-9 month clothing and does not like socks or shoes (those kicking little feet love to get those items off of his feet)!

Mommy confession

Today, I had fun. Like the forget-about-everything kind of fun. Don't get me wrong- most days, I have fun with a giggling toddler and a smiling infant. But this morning was different. I smiled a genuine smile and laughed a genuine laugh, which, unfortunately, has been awhile since I've done. 
I took Olivia to an inflatable jumping center for an open jump time. We arrived a little after it opened and no one else was there. So, we took advantage of having the whole place to ourselves! Ethan had just fallen asleep on the car ride over, so I set him in the center of the room, so I could see him, and then I went off with Olivia. I don't remember the last time I was in an inflatable jumper, but holy cow, it was amazing! I was out of breath from giggling with Olivia,  jumping and running and trying to squeeze my way through some of those small spaces and cruising down the slides. My aunt stopped in (as she was on her way to Saint Cloud), so she kept an eye on Ethan and captured a few moments as well. That's another reason that I will be able to remember today- a simple picture. Most of the time, I am the one behind the camera. I am the one staying out of the shot and trying to get the perfect pose from an energetic almost-three-year old and squirmy almost-four-month old. But today, I got to be in those pictures. I have proof that I can be a fun mom. 

Some days, I worry if Olivia will remember these fun moments. I worry that she will only remember the times that mommy is short-tempered because we are running late. Or the times that I don't sit down and play with her, because I think that cleaning the kitchen has to be done at that moment. So, to have these special moments captured is a wonderful thing.

To be honest, the past few weeks have been challenging. I would not trade being home with my kids, but it's tough. I feel like I've lost my identity and have just become 'mom.' I miss having interactions with co-workers. I miss having 'me-time' on the drive to and from work. I miss having evaluations and having goals and objectives for me to progress towards. Or not bringing work home with me (well, if I'm honest, I was never able to do that, but the thought of leaving it at work is nice). As a SAHM, I'm on 100% of the time. It is the most rewarding, draining and emotional thing I've done in these 32 years. So, I was elated with myself that I felt like I was staying on top of things for the past 5 months. I would pat myself on the back every night because I had succeeded in showering, getting out of the house (in real clothes!), doing a fun activity or two with Olivia, sometimes making dinner, sometimes cleaning and having the kid(s) healthy and happy. But in the past few weeks, I've realized there is an emotional toll of working 100% of the time.

Ethan's first ride on the MOA ferris wheel

I feel guilt in not being a financial contributor to this family. We've looked at me going to work full-time and it's ridiculous what we would pay for childcare. To have two kids in daycare for five days a week, we would pay anywhere from $500-$750 a week. Some may think those are okay numbers, but for us, it didn't make sense. To be honest, another thing that doesn't make sense is the ridiculous amount of money we are paying each month for student loans, but that's a whole other subject. But, the emotional stress of constantly asking 'am I doing the right thing?' and the financial stress of 'can we afford to do this?' and the physical stress of keeping up with a toddler and bouncing/carrying/baby wearing a little one is tiring. And in the past few weeks, it has hit its toll. I've found myself second-guessing activities and how I parent. At the end of the night, it's the constant 'Are my kids getting enough social interactions? Are they eating healthy enough? Did I spend enough time playing with them? Am I doing everything I need to prepare them for life?' 

Thankfully, I have multiple support systems. I have my immediate family that has listened to tearful phone calls and has been there for emotional support. I have my Pink Ladies from college that text throughout the day with random jokes and stories. I have the understanding group of moms at MOPS that has listened to my mommy problems and helped guide me through them. There's also the group of parents at Olivia's ECFE class that can relate to the struggles of having a toddler. They say it takes a village to raise a child. I agree, but it also takes a village to support a parent.
 

Olivia's first time ice skating

I'm not the first to go through this or feel these emotions. And I know I won't be the last to have this struggle. So, I can sit here and dissect every moment of the day and question it. Or, I can think back to this morning and how much fun I had. Olivia was so excited to go jumping and she had 90 minutes of giggling and running around. And guess what? I got to be there too. Like, emotionally and physically be present. 

So, today was a success. Tomorrow it may not be. But for now, I'm going to carry this smile and get my daughter (who decided that a 45 minute nap was all she wanted, when 90 minutes is more her style) and continue to be the fun mom. No worries, no questions, no stress, no second-guessing... only love and cuddles.