Last week, I started attending our local MOPS program. It was 2 hours of talking with other moms, seeing other kids, and realizing that I am not alone in this journey of motherhood (not that I've felt alone, but it is something else to have about 50 other moms in the same room sharing the same struggles and joys). The message for this year is going to be 'Beautiful Mess' and we listened to a clip of one of my favorite songs by Francesca Battistelli called 'This is the Stuff.' I encourage everyone to listen to the words and know that while things may be crazy and hectic, this is the life you were meant to have and the life that God has lovingly given to you. It is so easy for me to sit here and say 'of course you will always love the craziness and the stress and the ups and downs of life!' But something really struck me at the meeting and has stayed with me for the week... God made you with a purpose, for a purpose. That was a message I was meant to hear at that time. I have been struggling with not being able to find a job and then the debate of if I should just remain a part-time stay at home mom or what I am meant to do. I struggle with what I need to do to help Olivia develop and what we need to eat and how we should be with our schedule. But, for right now, God has me placed in this situation for a specific reason. I don't know the big picture yet, but I do know that there have been some 'ah-ha' moments where I just smile and nod and know that this is the reason.
The topic for the meeting was about how we, as moms, tend to compare ourselves to others. As I have previously written, I do that frequently. I judge myself based on if I can cook as well as other moms, if I can have as clean of a house as others, if I'm raising my child on the right track and so on. One of the big issues we talked about was social media and the affect it has on us. We tend to look at social media pages when we are in a vulnerable place... when we have down time or a little break in a day. I have never sat to look through my facebook account immediately after something amazing or exciting has happened. I may post something right away, but my initial thought after giving birth or getting engaged wasn't 'I wonder what is going on in the world of facebook.' That is my thought when I am feeding Olivia at 2am or sitting on the couch after an exhausting day. And when I see everyone post pictures of their amazing vacations or the flowers they got from their significant other or the successes that they had for the day, I begin to doubt myself and my success. One of the ladies that I know, who also attends MOPS, decided to go on a 'social media diet' for a week, after the meeting. We discussed that people post things on social media in a filtered fashion. Rarely do people post pictures right after they are in a car accident, or spill red wine on their carpet, or have spit up on their business outfit before leaving for work. So, here I am a few days later with the discussion from MOPS still fresh in my mind. We had just gotten back from our weekend away (Phil and I went to Minneapolis for an anniversary trip and Olivia stayed the night at Grandma and Grandpa's house), so things were a bit messy. As I'm giving Olivia a delicious breakfast of rice cereal, there is a knock on the door and it is someone from the City that needs to do some work in the basement. And the first thing that pops out of my mouth is 'sorry the place is a mess. We just got back from being out of town for a few days.' Then it struck me... why am I apologizing for the way MY house is? Why would it matter to him how MY house looks when he is there to do his job. I'm sure his first thought wasn't 'man, this house is a disaster.' So, I decided that this would be the time to show my 'unfiltered' life. This is the view of our living room and kitchen the morning of his visit. Olivia's room was also a bit crowded, since we had her two bags from the trip, plus I was putting away all of her 3 month clothes, so there was a big Rubbermaid tub in her room. (She was napping when I took the picture, and my mommy-brain forgot to take a picture once she got up).
Yes, there are electronics scattered around and toys out of place. Yes there are bags still unpacked and jackets laying around. And yes, the kitchen countertops have multiple bottles, pumping items and utensils. And in our master bedroom, there is a pile of laundry that needs to be folded and another load that needs to be put away. On the staircase, there are multiple little piles of items that need to be filed away, magazines that need to be read and little pieces of paper that could probably be thrown away. And I guarantee that there hasn't been a good dusting in at least 2 weeks. But, this is my beautiful mess and I am proud of it.
