I know it's right, I read it on the internet!

There's a commercial right now where the scene is with a guy and a girl and the girl talks about how she knows everything because she found it on the internet.  I feel like when you're pregnant, you begin to rely on what every book and website tells you.  On my nightstand, I have Mayo Clinic's pregnancy handbook, What to Expect When You're Expecting and the WEWYE pregnancy organizer and journal.  My menu on my favorite section on my laptop has babycenter, webmd and pregnancy.  The other night, when I had on of my many stress-out sessions, I began to realize what all it takes to have this baby.  One site tells me that I should have so many items picked out for the nursery, yet the baby's room sits empty.  One article says that I am supposed to have my energy back, yet I continue to take naps whenever I can get them.  I began listing all of the items that we have to complete and Phil just looked at me like I had just told him I just returned from the moon.  He first asked where the freak-out was coming from and then reminded me that we just hit the half-way mark.  Why would I want to be planning for this, and thinking about this, when I am in the middle of finals week and about to start Christmas training for the swim club?!?  Phil then brought me back to earth and reminded me that we have time.  We have loving and caring families that will help us when the time comes.  If we are in a pinch, we have a support system of friends and family members who will support us in whatever way.  And that is reason #462 that I love my husband :)

While my parents were here, we watched the movie 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' (there's a spoiler alert in a bit, so don't read on if you haven't seen the movie).  Phil and I had seen it before, but we thought it was a humorous movie.  Just like in the movie, I feel like there are multiple stages that a woman can go through on this movie.  After our miscarriage, it stung when people would say comments like, 'when are you going to have kids,' or 'don't wait too long.'  I thought that I had passed the aching stage, as it has almost been a year, but little things like that creep up.  I think I'm okay with things, but then I cried when the girl in the movie had a miscarriage.  A few days after we watched the movie for the first time, I got a card in the mail from Sanford (the hospital we use).  It was for Sanford's annual remembrance day and Phil and I had been invited.  The hospital does a remembrance ceremony every year to remember newborns, infants and toddlers who have passed away.  It sounds like a very caring and touching event, but that little card had enough power to make me sit down.  It's items like that to make me think about how lucky we are to have even gotten this far in the pregnancy.  But then the worries start... one sharp pain in my side sends me to the internet and has me worried that I'm going into early labor.  Two sodas in a day makes me think that I'm forever impacting my child's growth and development.  As I have read, as well as every other pregnant woman, it's about moderation and trusting yourself.

On a more humerous side, the movie also made me realize there are a lot of humerous moments in this pregnancy journey.  Like one of the main characters, I was so looking foward to having the cute baby bump and just carry around 'that glow.'  Only to realize that I am facing daily heartburn, growing pains, body aches and constant fatigue.  I believed that I would have the cute outfits to put my cute belly in and I would have the perfect little pregnant body.  I'll admit it... I am 22 weeks along and I have gained 15 pounds.  I still drink soda (only a few times a week), don't eat as many fruits and veggies as I should (but who does?!?), and don't always get the rest that I should (last week, Monday was a 16 hour day, Tuesday was a 14 hour day and Wednesday was 10).  But, I am sending this little girl as much love as she possibly could have.  Phil puts his hands on my belly nightly and we talk about the joys to come.  Because I know that through this stress, there is so much more joy than we can ever imagine.  As some of you know, my mom is a nurse in a pediatric oncology clinic.  She cares for children who have been diagnosed with cancer and while the clinic provides excellent care, sometimes she has a patient pass away.  I used to ask her how she could deal with that heartache over and over and she always told me that for every sad story, there are at least 10 happy and joyous ones to replace it.  So I know that no matter what happens, there will be a smile on my face and love in my heart!

And we have so much love for this little one!  While I posted on facebook, I haven't made the official announcement on here that we are having a little girl!  I will detail that day in another post, but our families (and us) are so excited to have a little girl in the family.  Currently, I am a little past 22 weeks and my belly and baby girl continue to grow.  At 22 weeks, Baby T is about the size of a papaya (11 inches) and weighs a full pound!  So crazy to think that it took 22 weeks to get to 1 pound, yet in the next 18 weeks, she will gain about 7 more!  The lanugo covers her body, the lips, eyelids and eyebrows are more distinct and the eyes have formed (yes, I am a horrible mom, but during the ultrasound, they took a picture of the eyes and I told the ultrasound tech that she didn't have to put that picture on our CD, since that picture scared me... but I guess it is a great thing because it shows that our little girl has two eyes that have developed properly) and she just continues to grow at an amazing rate!