3 weeks and 6 pounds!

Daddy's lucky lady

Mommy's little lucky charm

I'm a bit behind in things, but the biggest news is that our little girl is 3 weeks old and as of Tuesday morning, she is a whopping 6 pounds! Specifically, she is 6 pounds 0.5 ounces :)

On Sunday, I was here for just the morning as I had our swim team banquet on Sunday afternoon. I left around 11a, but Phil stayed here for the afternoon. During rounds, the doctor discussed that Olivia wasn't progressing as well as they wanted and that the plan was to cut down her feedings. So, she was decreased to 25cc at every feeding, as well as moved down to just 4 feedings a day by bottle (and the other 4 by NG). When Phil called and told me that, I was extremely angry and upset, since I feel like she needs to have feedings more frequently (around every 2 hours and not 3). After lots of tears and some vented words to an empty house, I was able to calm myself down and get to the banquet. Phil and I talked when he got home later that evening and came up with a game plan for the week.
During rounds, the doctor mentioned that Olivia was experiencing some bradycardia and breathing episodes at night (first time we had heard of this) and they didn't want to make feeding a traumatic experience for her. While we agree that we want feeding to be positive, it would have been nice to know why the feedings were going to be changed before they were. When she does breast feed, she gets weighed before and after she feeds so they know how much she had.  We have not been convinced that the scale was accurate, since some days Olivia will do really well and the scale says she looses weight and other days she doesn't do well and the scale says she took 80cc (which, if that gets her released any sooner, I'll agree with, but there's no way that's accurate). So Phil asked about how often the scale is calibrated and they told him that it was accurate and didn't want to discuss it anymore.
I've received a lot of comments on how positive I've been through this experience and let me tell you, I hit that wall on Sunday. I felt like there was not a light at the end of the tunnel and that for the first time, we were moving backwards. So, we decided that one of us should be here as often as possible. I felt that since we had never seen a breathing or heart rate episode, I would spend a few nights to see what her nighttime routine is like. I got to the hospital yesterday around 11:30am and have stayed/will stay here until 4p tomorrow. That way I can see 2 nights of her activities and be around her 100% to tell the doctors how things really are. Phil will be here all day tomorrow, I'll be back on Thursday and both of us will be here Friday. I'm just so exhausted with everything. We are so ready to have her home. I know she needs to be here to get strong and healthy but it is so hard to believe with my heart that she wouldn't do as well, if not better, at home. I want to feel like a real mom and have a routine with her. I want to get up with her at night. It is so hard to be home and have an alarm clock wake me up to tell me to pump. It's so tempting to just press snooze and go back to bed. Last night was great to be woken up to baby girl noises and get up to pump and then snuggle with her. 

Monday was her 3 week birthday and she was 5 pounds 14.1 oz. The speech therapist came again to reevaluate her with her feedings. She commented that while Olivia doesn't have the whole suck-swallow-breathe routine, she looks better and is able to now do a suck-swallow motion. We decided to keep her on the preemie bottle and continue until Phil and I feel like she is ready to switch to the other bottle. Olivia has the tendency to put her fingers in her mouth when she is hungry and yesterday when the nurse was getting her bottle ready, Olivia put her fingers in her mouth. The nurse said that she had heard about some babies that would do repeated sucks with their fingers in their mouth and no sooner had she said that than Olivia started doing that! She had two fingers in her mouth and for about 20 seconds, she repeatedly sucked on them (instead of just putting them in her mouth and having them stay there).
Today was the day we hit the 6 pound mark! She is now up to 6 pounds 0.5 ounces. During rounds, I discussed with them that Olivia is still waking up about 15-30 minutes before her scheduled feeding and crying or sticking out her tongue or putting her fingers in her mouth. They changed her schedule back to 6 feedings by bottle and 2 feedings by ng tube. She still is limited to 25cc, but at least she can bottle more. It's still frustrating to know she can only eat every 3 hours. Realistically when we get home, she will be eating a lot more than that (as she should), so I want to be able to start her on that track now.
But for now, I'll continue to stare at my sleeping beauty and dream of the day that she'll be home with us :)