I get that I'm 38 weeks pregnant. I get that I've had time to think about the changes that will occur to our family once this little guy comes. I get that I've knows about this adorable human being for the past 33 weeks, and that should be ample time to have a plan. But the truth is, I'm unprepared. I have no idea how this little life will greatly affect our family. I still think that we are missing some great and mighty baby item with our little prep that we've done. But then I remember, all this baby needs is milk, love, diapers and wipes, a few outfits, some blankets, car seat and the rest are just minor details (yes, I say that now, but when it's 2am and I'm exhausted and he's crying, I'd believe that a blanket could be a lifesaving item).
As you all know, we moved almost 2 months ago. We went from a 3 bed, 2 bath house with plenty of room to a 2 bed, 1.5 bath town home that leaves us begging for space. So when people ask if we have the nursery set up, I just chuckle. Because honestly, this baby is going to be lucky to be sleeping in a bassinet thing. Yes, he will start out in our room and then (depending on how long we're in this town home), he will move in with Olivia (also depending on his sleep habits... if he's anything like his sister and he doesn't sleep through the night until 16 months, then we may reconsider some things). And no, we don't have a theme for his room- he's lucky that he's getting more than a dresser drawer to sleep in at this point. When we moved, I had mom guilt about that minor detail. I felt like this little guy deserved to come home to a painted and decorated bedroom, just like Olivia did. But then I realize, this is a temporary situation. He is going to be a baby. This will be something that he will never remember. So why do I think I need to go above and beyond to do something that truly doesn't matter?
So for now, I'll think about the things that do matter (remember, I am a 38 week, hormonal preggo woman). I worry about my time with Olivia. I worry about how it will change and that she won't get the 1:1 attention that she's received these past few weeks. I worry about going out in public and doing the typical activities, like grocery shopping and going to doctor's appointments. I worry about how I'm going to handle a toddler and a car seat with an infant strapped in while I try and cross the icy road (because, as much as we don't want to talk about it, winter is coming. And thanks to living up north, I know this inevitably means snow at some point). I worry that I'll forget the stroller when we go somewhere and I'll have to drag that ungoshly heavy car seat through the mall.
But then I remember that Olivia is a wonderful, smiling, loving little girl. I mean, Phil and I had to have done something right with her, right?!? We were clueless then and we're clueless now. But, we have a toddler that's proof that we are on the right track. Yes, there are still days when she has meltdowns or tantrums and Phil and I just look at each other and shrug. But then she has days when she will run and hug you for no reason. Or say something so out of the ordinary that it's the cutest thing and you can only laugh. I also have to remember that for about 3 years of my life, I was the only child. And I feel like I have a great relationship with my brother. So, I couldn't have hated him that much, right? So, instead of focusing on Olivia, we now get to see Olivia continue to develop, but now with a new companion. I'm sure in about a year or two, I will be in awe of the destruction that an infant and a toddler can do to the house. But maybe I'll also be in awe of the bond that they will share.
I have no idea what the future has in store. At this point, this little guy doesn't even have a name, so I think that needs to be step one. But I do know that as unprepared as I feel with things, there is a plan for us. It may be a plan full of ups and downs and side-to-sides. But it will be our plan. So, until this little guy decides to make his move, maybe I'll make one last plan of luxury and schedule that pedicure and hair cut...
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